Protecting Your Peace

I know it’s been a minute since I’ve written anything, forgive me. Life is getting the best of me! Ha!!!

But, this blog has really been on my heart for the past couple of days, and it’s about protecting your peace.

A popular page that I follow on twitter posted a question a few days ago asking, “What is something you’ve taught yourself?” and I responded with “Saying ‘no’ to protect my peace”. My mother use to always tell me growing up that I was a people pleaser. Although, a lot of my actions I did, I thought they were because I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart. Now that I'm grown, I’m starting to think, “Was I only doing things to please other people, and not myself?” I think we all sometime in our life subject ourselves to doing something for someone else, even when we didn’t want to, but because this was someone we cared about, it was hard to say no. But is that really people pleasing?

Since being diagnosed with lupus, saying NO is starting to become second nature to me now. Foolish me! I thought people I’ve done things for in the past would understand my position now when I say that I literally can’t do what I use to do. Side note: Ooooweeee, people will get mad if you tell them ‘no’, especially when you use to always say ‘yes’ to them. *ahem* Now, anywho…. But since now I am literally incapable of doing things I use to do, saying ‘no’ use to make me feel guilty. I felt like I was being unreliable or rude. Truth be told, sometimes I said ‘no’ just because I knew I had to protect my peace. Rather I was feeling sick or not, protecting my peace has become a priority to me now.

When I say protecting my peace, I mean avoiding things or situations that could possibly deter me from being productive. When I say productive I mean using my time to cultivate the dreams, goals, gifts, talents and abilities that I have to serve myself… in a positive way!!  This could mean, saying ‘no’ to attend a social gathering, or ‘no’ to helping someone out that you really care about. I’m learning that putting myself first is not selfish, it’s NEEDED.

Sometimes, I shut down. Don't log on social media, put on a playlist, grab a book and just kick my feet up, and enjoy me. It's funny because when my husband comes home, and if the house has music blasting through the windows before he pulls up, he already knows I'm in one of my moods. He'll kiss me on the cheek and let me be. When the music go off, he'll return with a "So, how was your day?" Ha!!! (That's why I love that man!)

I'm taking baby steps. I didn’t just jump in saying ‘no’ to any and everything, because it really is hard to do. It’s STILL very hard to do. I say ‘no’ and then turn around and second guess myself. Like, “Maybe I should go ahead and go to so and so, maybe it won’t be so bad!” or "Maybe I should do this for so and so, it won't take much of my time"… but every day is a learning experience and I’m determining which things and people I should say ‘no’ to. It's all a growth process. 

Because if you don’t protect your peace, then who will?

Working Chronically...

Not too long ago, I posted on twitter that Lupus patients are all super heroes. I said that because we are able to do things that “normal” healthy people do all while fighting a disease that is trying to keep us down.  One of those things are… working!!

There is a large percentage of people with chronic illness that is unable to work. My heart goes to those people because believe it or not, there is nothing a chronically ill person wants more than to be able to take care of themselves. Make their own money, have a sense of independence. Since being diagnosed, I have had my fair share of days being off work due to my illness. I’ve had to take breaks in between and because of that I sometimes feel like I could’ve been further along than I currently am. Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed to be able to hold down a full-time job (as of now), but majority of my lupus family isn’t so lucky.  What MOST people may mistake for lazy, really have no clue what a chronically ill person is going through.

Chronically ill workers may have problems in meeting job demands, they may experience physical, cognitive or sensory limitations, have fatigue or pain complaints or other disease symptoms. Psychological distress, depressive feelings, feelings of shame or guilt, lack of coping or communicative skills, and non-supportive colleagues and supervisors may add to work-related problems. It’s hard!!! But, I’m doing it. I feel a sense of pride when I actually make it through a full 8 hour work day, 40 hour week schedule without having to call in or crashing at the end of the week.

Here's a few tips that I use to make it through the work week:

1. Decorate your workspace with positive affirmations and pictures of people and things that motivate you.
2. Make your feelings aware to your co-workers & manager. You may have to sit with them and explain exactly what lupus is. Print out literature to share with your team about your disease if you need to.
3. Prioritize sleep. Make it number one. I usually try to give myself 7 hours or more of sleep. (That sometimes don’t happen, but hey.. I try!!)
4. Keep energizing snacks at your desk.
5. After you clock out, BE FINISHED!!! Leave work at work and when you’re off take that time to rejuvenate your mind and body.
6. Know when to step away and take a break. Go to the bathroom, step outside for a second.
7. Don’t be afraid to ask for accommodations. Most companies (and a lot by law) are willing to help you succeed in your position and if that means you need a stool for your swelling feet, back support for your lower back, a certain keyboard for your computer because you have joint issues… then ASK!!!!!

Now of course, everyone’s situation Is different. Some of us work in environments that aren’t so accommodating and work with people who are just flat out cruel. For those of you that do work in situations like that, I strongly encourage you to find another job. Work somewhere where you are appreciated and won’t have to feel guilty for having a chronic illness that YOU didn’t ask for any ways. Because let’s be honest, if something was to happen to you today, your company would go about their day and have your position posted on the HR board the following day. 

You’re the important factor here… put yourself first!

*For my chronically ill people who are unable to work… Don’t feel any less of a person because of a disease that has disabled you. During my times when I was unemployed I found other things that made me happy to confiscate for the loss of my job (whether it was reading, volunteering somewhere, advocating lupus online, etc.) I strongly encourage you all to do the same and to remain positive because you’re still the important factor here, and I’m rooting for you!

The Good People in the World...

With everything that's going on in the world, believe it or not, there are still some good people in the world.

So, my husband and I went out on a date, BUT before we went out, I had a flare-up. Feeling guilty that I haven't been able to go out on a date with my husband for a while, I pushed on through my flare up and decided to go out for dinner.

So, we get to the restaurant, sadly all the handicap spots were taking so we ended up parking far from the building. I'm walking with my cane, huffing, and puffing, barely making it. I finally get to the door and the waiting room is PACKED! Nowhere to sit. So, I stood there for a while and finally, a young lady offers a sit next to her because she notices me leaning over barely standing.

I thank her.

We have a brief convo.... and then....

Host: Sanders party of 2!!!!!!

(So here's where the good in people happened)

I ended up getting stuck in the chair I was sitting in. Like my legs literally gave out. Not only that, but my right arm has gone completely numb from walking with a cane so hard. My husband is trying to hold our coats, and my purse aka my suitcase AND help get me out the chair all at the same time, mind you.... I am NOT skinny or lightweight. (bless his heart!)

So the lady that offered the seat next to her and another complete stranger ends up helping me out the chair. I'm not talking about a slight lift, they HELPED ME OUT THE CHAIR and fixed my clothes on the way up. Helping pull down my shirt cause I'm pretty sure I was flashing the innocent. 😡

Now, I know it doesn't seem like much, but being disabled in America is NOT EASY. We lack so much support from not only the government, but some of us face neglect from our jobs, family, and friends, so the fact that two complete strangers went out of there way to assist me, it meant a lot.

I couldn't thank them enough, and I probably thanked them more than they wanted, but I just appreciate people that can help people like myself because I know if I was able-bodied, I would do the exact same thing.