Can Lupus Define My Purpose?

The dictionary defines the word purpose as “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists”.

As a person with a chronic illness, I struggle with what my purpose really is in life. Why am I here? And to do what? Every day when I wake up in pain, every time I receive bad news from the doctor, OR every time I have to limit myself, What the heck could my purpose be living like this?

I believe when a person is diagnosed with an chronic illness, they immediately try to think about “Okay, what did I do to deserve this?” and “Why me?” and that’s normal. We’re human. However, what we all have to remind ourselves is that we didn’t do anything to “deserve” what we are going through. Some way, and some how this illness is apart of our purpose.

I read somewhere that, “From the perspective of spiritual reality, illness is a step toward wholeness.” Let’s face it, whether you’re a lupus survivor, cancer, AIDS/HIV, Fibromyalgia, etc survivor, we didn’t consciously choose to go through this pain or deal with an incurable illness, however being diagnosed, the experience of dealing with these challenges can lead us on a journey that ultimately delivers great rewards. (This is me being optimistic, okay?!)

Living with a life-threatening disease forced me to completely reshuffle priorities and pursue new paths that have actually brought me profound fulfillment. Let me put it this way, Lupus gave me permission to make choices that I wouldn’t have considered otherwise. I know it sounds weird reading, lupus "gave me permission" but let me explain. For instance, I feel like I need to travel more, try new foods, create experiences that I would have never tried to pursue, all because I don’t want lupus to feel like it is winning. It changed my way of thinking, forcing me to make choices that would only make ME happy. 

I’m not saying my life is all “beautiful” and “lovely” because it gets hard. Every day, it gets harder. But I’ve got to get to a point in my life where I can accept this and make the best of it. Make the best of my life!